in which things that should have been obvious years ago are belatedly made clear…

Ok, so Calculus of Hope is actually my second novel that will, I hope, be written to completion of at least a first draft (actually the third, but we’re not going to talk about that tolkein pastiche I wrote my senior year of high school because …. shudder.) And the first one, completed two years ago, is still waiting for a massive rewrite because though I loved the story, I kind of meandered through the plot the first draft, thinking that was ok for me to do and I could fix it in the re-write, which is a little like Dr. Frankenstein making up his monster as he went along and attaching three arms and two and a half legs and saying he’d fix it later.

Fixing it at that point is kind of like just making another monster. Fixing the first book is really just writing another book, and that has morphed into the next book after Calculus.

This one I’m concentrating a little less on sentences I like, and more on “Does this make any damn sense and does it screw me narratively later.” See also :”No, no no … now is not the time to split open the structure and add a third POV character….I said NO!” And … this novel will probably be done this month, which means I’ve written it in four months, not two years like the last one. And I’ve been focused on 1 thing and 1 thing only, the narrative structure. I feel like if, in the first draft, the narrative structure makes sense, then I can fix ANYTHING in the other drafts. That is not to say I do not chase bunnies down trails, it just means I have a tether to lead myself back. Or at least a guide dog. I just pray to God there are no squirrels.

First draft …. it’s all about the narrative. It only took me twenty years to figure that out.

The Night of Writing Dangerously

Ok, so I’m doing this. A six-hour write-a-thon in San Francisco sponsored by NaNoWriMo to raise money for the young writer’s program. I feel really straongly about this cause because I was one of those kids who could have used a little help to believe this was possible and give me the actual tools to do it.

So, please, please, please, please sponsor me. And you are encouraged to come to the event in costume. The theme is Noir. I promise to go in costume and have embarrassing pictures taken. And yes, all right, posted.

Here’s the link to my fundraising sight. All donations are tax deductible.

Just in case you were wondering …

ok, so yesterday’s post was a little strident, but I’m still glad I wrote and posted it. And it wasn’t really aimed at anyone, but I don’t really apologize for anything I said. I needed to say it. And if I used a firehouse instead of a squirtgun, well, that’s baseball.

That said, it’s kind of the end of a process of, as I said, staking out some territory for myself in the world and in my own head, and feeling like I’ve earned the right to call the universe on its bullshit.

And to call myself on my own bullshit, which, yeah, there’s a lot of.

But … done now. Will not comment further, will not engage in debate, will just let it stand as it is and get on with the business of living my own damn life and letting everyone else get on with theirs. The rest of this will probably get worked out in fiction, as all things do, for me, really.

But it’s also made me want to do something I felt weird about before, and that’s to can the intitials and start writing things under my own name.

So, no more pen name (since it was my own initials, it wasn’t exactly a pseudonym anyway). From now on, I publish as Chad Grayson.

Hey, I’m a certified crazy. I’m allowed.

Destination: Future cover

Destination Future cover, art by Ed Norden

Eric Reynolds, publisher of Hadley-Rille books recently posted the preliminary cover to the anthology Destination: Future, which will contain my short story, “Jadeflower.”

Cover features art by Ed Norden. Ed’s art has, I think, a groovy, retro sci-fi folk art vibe, if such a thing exists, AND IT SHOULD.

Look for Destination: Future out in early 2010, edited by Eric T. Reynolds and Z.S. Adani. Lots of cool people in this one, as you can see from the cover (Resnick, and Wentworth and Bear, oh my!. no, I am not proud of this joke), and I realy am considering changing my pen name to And More. Thoughts?

The comfort of small things

Well, work on the book has slowed to a crawl the past two weeks because of various school and life-related crises. We also had a death in the family, one that we were prepared for, but one that also socked me in the gut in ways I did not expect. Getting back on schedule and back on track has been a challenge, and one I have not been dealing with very well in a variety of ways. And we’re also trying to deal with a major decision that must be made soon, and throw in some financial stress for the win!

So yeah. The world is tumbling now, it seems. It will, hopefully, find it’s balance soon. Or I will, at least.

Somewhere in all of this, I got the craving to read my old favorite book (series actually), and pulled it out of its box in the garage. It’s my copy of Tad William’s The Dragonbone Chair, and it has been a struggle to read.

Not a struggle to read the content. I am reminded of why I fell in love with Tad Williams, and the world of Osten Ard and the character of Simon Mooncalf/Pilgrim/Snowlock/that would be telling. The language, the descriptions, the warm embrace of his sentences and his lyricism, it’s been a real comfort in a difficult time.

But It’s been difficult to read because it is my original copy. I owe my ADHD/lack of details affliction for my introduction to this book. Back in the day, I was a member of the Science Fiction Book Club, and that was in the time when you had to send back those postcards or they would send you the book selection of the month, along with the bill (it may still be that way, I dunno, and I was 15 and a flake. I was going to send it back, but accidentally opened it up and read the first page, and this sentence grabbed me:

“It might have been the first day of Spring, , to judge from the air of breathless anticipation, but the calendar in Doctor Morgenes’ cluttered chamber showed differently: The Month was only Novander. Autumn was holding the door; winter was trudging in.”

That was it. And this was the book that rekindled my own desire to write. I wanted to create powerful moments for readers, like Williams did for me, and it was from that moment on, inspired to go into my room and start writing my bizarre little stories, that I really thought of myself as a writer.

This book, over 20 years old now, was a book club “hardcover.” Not meant to last the ages, and it has been much-reread and loaned out. Pages are falling out, its binding has collapsed and its faux-cardboard cover is useful merely as a folder in which to hold to collection of leaves. It goes without saying that the dustjacket has long since vanished into the ether. But i find that though I could go down to Barnes and Noble and pick up a new paperback, I want to read this one. It connects me to that part of me that is still important, and which I forget exists sometimes. I like holding the same thing that fifteen-year-old did, the one I have spent so many years despising, mocking, but for whom I have recently started to develop a tiny bit of affection. We are communicating with each other again through this physical object.

But maybe I’ll get a new copy if I decide to keep loaning this book out …. it’s already responsible for the existence of about a dozen Tad Williams’ fans, and it deserves its rest.

I know nothing about that squee-thunk noise you just heard …

reposted from Eric Reynolds livejournal

Table of Contents for Destination: Future, to be published early 2010, eidted by Eric T. Reynolds and Z.S Adani.

“The Angel of Mars” by Michael Barretta
“When You Visit the Magoebaskloof Hotel Be Certain Not to Miss the Samango Monkeys” by Elizabeth Bear
“Memento Mori” by Sue Blalock
“Hope” by Michael A. Burstein
“Ambassador” by Thoraiya Dyer
“No Jubjub Birds Tonight” by Sara Genge
“Jade Flower” by C.E. Grayson
“The Gingerbread Man” by James Gunn
“Games” by Caren Gussoff
“Rubber Monkeys” by Kenneth Mark Hoover
“One Awake in All the World” by Robert T. Jeschonek
“Watching” by Sandra McDonald
“The Hangborn” by Frederick Obermeyer
“Dark Rendezvous” by Simon Petrie
“Encountering Evie” by Sherry D. Ramsey
“Monuments of Flesh and Stone” by Mike Resnick
“Mars Needs Baby Seals” by Lawrence M. Schoen
“Edge of the World” by Jonathan Shipley
“Alienation” by Katherine Sparrow
“The Light Stones” by Erin E. Stocks
“Embians” by K. D. Wentworth

Can’t get the “one of these things is not like the other,” song out of my head.
Anyway, very, very honored to be included in such company.

Living with a sci fi writer can be tough on the civilians.

a recent conversation that took place in my house:

my wife: No, I mean it’s good, but I just wonder if this story about a little girl dying of cancer on an alien world is appropriate for an anthology that wanted happy, positive sci-fi stories.

me: but it’s a happy story about a little girl dying of cancer on an alien world. Besides, the co-editor? I just read an awesome story of hers that ended with DETAILS OF ENDING DELETED TO AVOID SPOILERS.

my wife: wow … so I guess all of you scifi writer people are that dark. It’s not just you.

there should probably be a support group somewhere….

ahem …

Just got word that my short story, “Jadeflower,” has been selected to appear in the Anthology Destination:Future from Hadley-Rille books. This anthology is edited by Eric T. Reynolds and Z.S. Adani. Should be out sometime early-mid 2010.

that is all.

End of summer ramblings …

Just a couple of notes…

work proceeds apace. It’s not exactly a NANO pace, but my plan to have the novel finished by the end of August could actually be successful. This is an experiment. I am purposefly trying to right something short, plot-driven, and pulpy. Something just for fun. But I hope there’s “meat” in it too. It’s a quest-oriented space opera adventure called The Calculus of Hope and so far I’m really liking it. I’ll come to hate it in the editing process, but that’s normal.

We’re getting to that part of the summer where the return to work and school is looming and we all just settle in. It’s also the part of the summer where we run out of money, so settling in is really all we can afford to do. We read a lot and watch tv, my son continues his wii obsession with The Force Unleashed we have to cut him off and hide the disk after a couple of hours. And he is still not forgiven for over-writing my game).

It’s also the time when I get restless being home so much and start re-arranging the furniture a billion times. I will never get it just like I like it, but the constant novelty helps … well, it helps me.

Hope everyone else is having a nice summer. It’s going to be a mad dash for me, but I am not one of those people who writes because the like producing work, but doesn’t actually enjoy the writing process. I love the process, I love the physical act of moving my pen, love typing things up (don’t love editing, but who does?), love the actual work. And I guess that is it’s own blessing. One the days I take off because I force myself, I can’t wait to get back to it.

At least I didn’t get the head injury until AFTER the event …

Brenda Cooper, Jody Sherry, and me

This time, I made sure that I had a proper razor.

Had a great time at the Footprints book signing at Powell’s in Beaverton, Oregon. We decided to go up the day before, so I wouldn’t be stressed about making it on time, plus we wanted to have a day in Portland just to visit the city and see what it was like, since I’d never been there before.

note to spouse: when I am successful enough that we can live anywhere, we are moving here. k?

this place is gorgeous, love the mountains, the river, the cool summer (yes I know the winter snow is a bitch, but I was raised in Indiana so this is not new to me).

Made a pilgrimage to the downtown Powell’s, as you do. I had no idea such a place existed and now am wondering how I was able to live in this world without knowing that. Then we went to Beaverton and found out that the Cedar Hills Crossing store is only slightly smaller than the other one. Portland, evidentally, is bookstore mecca. again … moving to Portland someday.

Went to see Up in the afternoon while was trying to relax and not get nervous. This is a movie that does not play fair, and if it is not nominated for an actual academy award instead of being relegated to the “cartoon ghetto” category, it will be a crime.

But the event was wonderful. Peter Honigstock, the sci fi section manager, was a great host, and the store has a very nice area set up for such events. I enjoyed meeting Brenda and Jody, and we had a great time talking before and after the reading. There were a lot of people there as well, a lot of people interested in sci fi and this anthology in particular. We all read, and then there was a discussion time. One of the interesting things about this anthology is that it is about something specific … those footprints still there on the moon, and this gave us something to talk about, sharing our experiences and impressions of the moon landing, our ideas about what happened, and didn’t happen, next and our theories as to why. It felt a little strange, my opinion of these things being asked, because I am by no means an expert, but during the discussion a few things began to clarify themselves in my head.

My generation didn’t have the moon landing as an event to witness. For most of my generation, our first memory of space exploration was the Challenger disaster. So it’s important, as the moon landing is celebrated, that we get a chance to look at that, think about that, and try to get back to a place of hope about humanity’s future in space, even as we try to solve our current host of terrestrial challenges. It is not beyond out our technology to establish a moon base. It is not beyond our technology to travel to Mars. We just haven’t done it yet. And yes, we have problems here that need our attention, but the human soul yearns to explore, to put itself out there, beyond the known. Maybe the fact that we’ve stopped, allowed politics and economics to get in the way of that longing, maybe that’s why humanity seems so heartsick right now. We’ve stopped ourselves from moving out, so we’re twisting in upon ourselves.

just a thought … probably a goofy one.

Anyway, after the reading, we signed a lot of copies of the book. www.powells.com will soon have these available for order, it looks like from their website.

And since nothing can happen to me without some kind of personal injury, I was waiting all day to fall down, or cut myself, or have a piano dropped on my head. Nothing happened. The signing went well. I thought I’d broken the curse. Then, getting back to the hotel and getting my things out of the trunk, I leaned forward a little too fast and nearly cracked my head on that part of the trunk just below the license plate frame that is really hard and sharp-edged and thin … still hurts, but no concussion.